my crushes and impacts

there arent many who dislike the film autograph.it is so much a true depiction of individuals.so thers always somthin called puppylove or crush or infatuation or whatever u name it in almost any guy's life.im restricting it to guys here.the thing is that its all bcos of films that we watch,the opposite gender attraction and the age factor.films claim love as the best thing in the world and thats a reason why many guys tend to follow that,i wud certainly say that the proportions wud have been fairly less if ther wasnt many love films.anyways im here about to discuss what that had happend in my life until now.it was during my 5th std when this first crush happened,its seriiously funny when u look at it when ur 23 but if u had been a 13yr old u wud generally feel it as romance.now am nearing 23 and am laughin at it.durin my 5th grade i was in my homwtown and had to go the school nearby,i was so studious and talented then that i was always leading the ranklists or atleast i was a top contender there,i was meritoriously excellent,a good sports kid and had a very good iq.ther was this girl who always got 1st rank by then,so we used to compete for the 2nd rank always,she was so cute,like havin a thick short cut step hairdoo and always had a reeth or hairband or whatever.she was smilin forever and noone wil hate her by then.it was like 5groups were formed and 4 students were alloted under a groupleader for the purpose of studying,no surprises we both were groupleaders.we used to help guys for studies durin the studytime which was wat the role of the gl was.she wud come up and ask doubts about the subjects,specially history,geo...to me.(pls dont laugh here).then she used to talk with me a lot when the guys were studyin,she used to exclaim things usings actions that was always bound to give u a feel good factor.we had a decent time together in clas chatting and crackin jokes(those jokes have now got a new name,"mokkai").one day she came to me when i was about to go to the ground for playin football,she said that was about to leave for u.s in a few months.i wasnt feelin bad bcos she gave me a foreign chocolate and i said 'have a nicetime ther',then she came for clas for almost a week for exams and she fled to u.s,i never really thot about her til a window journey in a longtrip.
then it was the 2nd time,this time i was doin 12th std,she was known to me as we both had been in the same tuitions before,she came to my school for the entrance coachin.she was good tall and a typical southgal.i saw her in my school and was so happy,but dint talk to her since i was too shy to do that,even now iam...she was in my next clas that i always used to roam over ther jus for seein her,her frends have seen this and they used to hide her for fun when i go near the clas.it was nice,then one fine day she met my mom and asked about how my health was and allthose stufs,love is the stupidest thing one can ever have in life,so due to the tamilfilms i saw that was reason enough for me to fall into a crush.i wanted to talk to her desperately,that day hasnt come till now.her house was adjacent to mine and so i used to go ther to my frend's house just to see her go to her colg durin my 12th holidays,i was waitin for engg counsellin and she had joined an arts colg then.i did all the rubbishest things i cud imagine now by then just to see n talk to her.never did i succeed,even my frend tried to help me but i was such a jackass to let go off the oppurtunity.then my colg life started and after then i used to think of her at hostel when i was alone,i hate loneliness and always tried avoidin it.in nick of time i completely rubbed off the crush as a piece of crap.now this was all the crushes i had until now.

regarding the impacts,now this is real serious.here was this gal who had a deep impact in me,i used to admire her for her courage,the gal she was and her way of taking life.she was such a bold woman that i wudnt forget ever in my life,i havent ever faced many difficulties in life,atleast not in higher degree,but she had experienced life not so good till then.but she always moved on and concentrated on what she was doin.im not sure that even now i can do that.she used to tel me about her bad times which i wud always try to cut it out so that she wudnt get bogged down by then.if ther was one human being in life that i wud always wanted to be in tough with except the blood relations that was her.a typical metro gal,the guts she had,the attitude and of all the ability to make decisions on her own was simply a kudos thing.i always prayed mother nature and god that she shud come up well in life which she will.
reg the next person for a change hes a guy,the biggest ever impact in me till date,i cudnt forget him ever,im highly emotional,but not many know this havin seen my exterior.this guy always had a decent and healthy freindship with me and we used to kill hours like anythin.he was a very good human and always was in the lighter mood,never was he so serious about life or anything,he left us all on tamil new year in a horrible night.the night when i was travellin to coimbatore to meet him and speak to him,but he never knew i was comin adn left before i came.all i cud see was himself inside a icebox.he dint talk to me,never did he do that to anybody,the fondest guy of our clas left us all in tears.he still is in our hearts but we miss him for sure.RIP my friend.

college life...

its my attitude,it says it all...right after i started my college life i thought life was a lot about fun,people,friends and will end in a similar note...i take my thoughts back now...its not as easy as i thought it wud be...i still remember my first day at college...the very night before my 1st visit to the college i was leaving my hometown for higher education,even that day i believed coimbatore is one heck of a helltown to set ur feet on...still iam not impressed by the impressive coimbatore...i tried to hide my excitement and shyness and got along with the guys in my hostel pretty easily on day1 itself...all i had to do was to talk to them...then came the day,my 1st day in my class,my wrecked coll life starts here...it will take any normal guy to get acclimatised to a new place,iam one who will take a bit more time to get into the groove than any normal guy...it started very borely...i wasnt my real self when i started talkin to guys whom i found borin and stupid...to be frank about it i was talkin to sundar,ramprasad,sathish kumar and a few more guys...it all went borin the complete year when i found all guys are kinda slow to mingle...then it was the 2nd year..it was when few of the guys i had moved well together by then went out of the hostel and i was left with only one guy who was there with from day1...it was karthik...by this time was when karthik had a remarkable turn around in his life....he started studyin well and came again the days of hatredfulness....and in the meanwhile i started mingling with a lotta guys,initially i thought aravind was 1hell of a headweited guy which i will take back now...he was good enough to have a gud following for him...and the days when guys started their "kadalai carrer" with a few as well..i was irritated seeing this not because it dint happen to me but because i found certain stuffs off the limit and very rubbish...i was always open to critise people right up in front of their faces...but i had to change this thanks to some good souls who advised me on time...then came the iv's...people started showin some skins and it more than a tour where i learnt about people....the trip to cochin was good enough to make a bridge between gangs and unganged individuals...and by the 3rd year i was gelled towards enjoyment which i missed in the 1st 2years...so i started enjoyin within myself,never did i cross a limit...and also guys for some reason started to spend more time with gals...i always knew that iam bound to attract criticism for sayin this...because what happened wasn't real friendship thing..it started with a sole intention of talking and later changed into the so called friendship...for many over there friendship was about sharing gud time...it was the hyderabad iv that had some real purpose in it...again there was a line drawn but atleast events were arranged and many participated...it pained a lot not just for me but for many guys who missed their friends by then durin dinner and lunch...it may look and sound silly but emotions are always silly to look at if u r not involved with them...days rolled by..everything fell in place for the final year...we were a poor senior batch to our juniors...we did nothin to them....i feel ashamed of it...and symposiums and dept events suck big time...participation was lacking...then i led to a shame finally...there was always 2 groups boasting and self proclaimin them as big gangs...but the real big men were always outside roamin near the water doctors and canteens...a day came and discussions were on our bangalore iv...as i said the 2 gangs went into a tango and ripped each other off...it was cold war outbursting...according to me nirupama,santhosh,raja and co came and tried arguing to get some good done for the class...and as always misunderstandings happen...arun,raj,maheshh and co misunderstood it and were quite angry that their integrity was challenged...no matter what happened and with whom the truth lied with it was a mere shame towards what they called and tried to cover it up sayin it as friendship...finally every goodthing starts with a drink...here the same but it ended with a drink,the misunderstanding...this "drink together and forget" stuff never really had a impact with me...all i wanted was pure unity and friendship to last long...again a new gang formed but whenever a new group forms its about certain guys losing some friends as well...the gals again had some envy or jelousy or whatever u call it...there was some ego with one or the other...again i thought we shud be united and more attached since it was the last 4months together and a few friends along with myself arranged kovaipudur cricket which brought many guys close...even the silent ones...still what was lagging was unity in the class...it came with a horrible incident...a demise made us stand together but again the real men stood apart...they taught many a lesson or two about what friendship was...though we may talk and have som contacts and conversations runnin now its too little too late now to be united...i know i might have been a little bit more inclined over a few people and i know it certainly will hurt minds...but still those who can understand emotions will understand me....

life is aint cool

failure is really hard to digest.atheletes who run a dash always believe that they can do it,but when they run it they see people overtaking them.they try to run their best but still they are left wanting.this incident teaches a lot in life.when u really think that u ve got the potential to be right up there u may sometimes fall drastically.and it will take some time depending on your temperament,ability and of all making the best of whats given to you attitude...failures taught me a lot both personally and socially.personally i always had a view like people were writing me off.friends a few who had a bad spin of luck during that time always wanted me to fail because of jealousy.they always had something in their minds,something bad and unexposed about me when i cracked out a great success with ease and comparatively without working hard.and aren't they relieved now,i bet they are atleast for now.that hurts for any human.also when u fail people who underestimated you believe that they were spot on and people who believed in you feel guilty of believing a wrong man.and then is the redemption time.u have to put this behind you,have to analyse whats best for you,how to get it done,and with the knowledge that you will get from your failures u have to make up for the days lost by performing better.also u will feel a confidence reinforced but still have some self doubts about the outcome.my life is pretty simple now.perform or perish and im in a situation where its my last play...i hate losers basically...so i can understand what people think about me..but i always believe due to some incident one can revitalise himself..perhaps this recent failure had turned me a lot..i may ve lost a bit of my individuality but i will still keep banging on the doors of success until it opens.after all success is the sweetest thing a man could taste.and to all those who had instilled faith in me and those who have prayed for me ,"i will be back with a bang",to all those who were willing to see me fail for some shit reason,"ur time is up,my time is now"...